I’m just going to write this quickly, like pulling off a band-aid. Then I’m going to wait 24 hours before publishing it so that I don’t fuck it all up (again). So what I’m about to write is straight from the real, raw me.

So here it is => When I make a mistake, I punish myself for a long time. And by ‘mistake’ I mean doing, saying or writing something not cool and then not being able to undo it. You do that too right? It’s the knowingness that I have disappointed myself or someone else that makes me feel like I’m in a big knot.

When this happens I get nausea that won’t go away. Sometimes it becomes a full-blown anxiety attack, other times it just pecks away at me, for days! And here’s the thing – I know I have to ride this feeling out for as long as it takes me to think, over-think, evaluate, apologise, make amendments, forgive, discuss, reason and sulk. I know it won’t last forever and I know I can do immediate things to try and repair it, but at the end of the day, the physical feeling of illness is going to be there for a while. This is the part that I can’t control. Perhaps it’s my way of ‘learning my lesson’? Perhaps if I were one of those resilient people who can just shrug their shoulders, forget about it and not give a crap what anyone else thought, then I’d be all good. But then I think – If I could do that, then how will I learn anything from it? – So in a way this rollercoaster is good. So good, but so awful.

Having said that, here are 12 ways to fuck it all up (all based on recent, personal examples):

• Rush – What’s the rush anyway? Why not sit on something a little while longer until it resonates 110%?
• Exaggerate – Ooops, it was kind of like icing the cake
• Fib – Ooooooppps. It’s easy to fib just a little when you over exaggerate
• Commit oneself to writing – Mum warned me about this
• Create when you’re not feeling creative – Don’t force a fart. You know?
• Frown – Not a happy place. Nothing happy grows from this place
• Say too much – Why did I NEED to say that?
• Not say enough – Oh great, now I sound like I don’t know anything
• Be ignorant – Don’t talk too much about things that one isn’t an expert on
• Caring what others think – Changing who I am and what my message is just because of what other business people will think of me, is a curse
• Use powerful words – Words like ‘always’ and ‘everyone’ are bloody big calls. Seriously. Avoid them at all costs
• Refuse to own your behaviour – I have learnt to do this. It was hard at the start, but I’m much better at it now. It’s the most important part of learning and moving forward

If you’ve fucked something up lately, I’d love to wallow with you. So drop me a line. You can catch me over on my Facebook page.

And just remember – We ALL fuck it up. We all make mistakes. But we have to learn and grow from it. It’s ok.

Tash xx

PS – I won’t apologise for swearing (and will try not to take to heart what you think) because this is ME.